The Horcrux of the Matter

So we have a long weekend because of Labor Day. Seemed like a good excuse for a Harry Potter Marathon.

9:30 am - I put in The Sorcerer's Stone

10:06 something occurs to me:

Harry: "Hagrid, what exactly are these things?"
Hagrid: "Goblins, Harry. Clever as they come, goblins, but not the most friendly of beasts."

Things? Beasts? I mean, they talk. They're clearly not animals. Hagrid says they're clever. They're bankers. The have large noses and ears. Check out this side profile of Griphook:

That's not a racist stereotype, right? I'm just reading too much into this....right????

Are they....are they supposed to be Jewish? Way to be a racist dick, J.K. I felt this was a good time to step away for a few minutes and do some dishes.

10:43 - Maybe it's the accent, but Oliver Wood is kind of hot. Yes, I realize he's like 15.
11:49 - Harry straight up murders a dude. He's 11 years old. That's fucking DARK.

12:03 - Concluding remarks - I really wish they could have worked in a musical number for Richard Harris. I seem to remember that Dudley had to have that pig tail Harry gave him surgically removed. I know Dudley was kind of a dick, but really Harry, you couldn't have removed that for him magically? Taking things a bit far, aren't we? Also, there seems to be about one 20 some odd pound turkey per every 4 students at the end of the year feast. I hope they're donating all those leftovers to the poor or something.

12:05 -Chamber of Secrets. Dobby, as the slightly less annoying Jar Jar Binks of the Harry Potter universe.
12:16 - Molly Weasley's clothes are batshit crazy. She dresses like some sort of flower child bag lady. Look at this fucking getup:

"Wanna buy some quaaludes?"

2:38 - Concluding remarks: Lucius Malfoy is a fox. Ron's facial expressions during the entire spider sequence are fantastic and completely accurate. "'Follow the spiders'?? Why couldn't it be 'follow the butterflies?'"

2:45 - The Prisoner of Azkaban - That Jamaican shrunken talking head thing on the Knight Bus is creepy as FUCK. Also, Richard Harris has been replaced by Michael Gambon. Frown.
Hermione: "Is that really what my hair looks like from behind?"
4:30 - Marathon interrupted due to bird rescue and trip to grocery store. There was an injured crow on our street. I retrieved him and named him Tinkie.

5:29 - Goblet of Fire
5:32 - Another dude gets murdered
5:34 - It occurs to me that this may well be Robert Pattinson's best work. He just has to stand around and look pretty and not say much. He's good at that.
6:02 - I have now started drinking

8:52 - Order of the Phoenix - I have a reasonable buzz at this point. 
8:53 - This movie is miserable. This book is miserable. Everyone IN this movie is miserable. The  high point is where Umbridge may or may not get raped by centaurs: http://www.cracked.com/article_19397_the-5-most-depraved-sex-scenes-implied-by-harry-potter.html
Number one on that list has actually crossed my mind on several occasions. Particularly, what if Hagrid's DAD was a giant?
9:14 - Gary Oldman is a fox. I've thought so since the Scarlet Letter, but that's probably a subject for another blog entry.

Do my shoe buckles make you uncomfortable?

9:21 - Ok wait...I'm confused as to why Harry never saw the dead horse things pulling the carriages before. He saw his mother die, then, as previously mentioned, he straight up killed a guy. Why does Cedric tip the scales?
9:54 - Mrs. Norris is a beautiful cat. I want to pet her.
10:04 - Gary Oldman. Yum. Also, gotta say that family tree mural thing is pretty kick ass.
10:42 - "Neville Longbottom, is it? How's mum and dad?" HA. This one gets me every time.
10:47 - Wish they had left in Ron's octopus brain fight from the book. Also, how long is this damn movie??
11:00 - Bed. I surrender.

8:09am the following day - Half Blood Prince
8:39 - "He's covered in blood again. Why is it he's always covered in blood?"

11:07 - Deathly Hallows Part 1
11:36 - Tinkie has been retrieved and taken to a wildlife center.
1:28 - Really kind of pissed that Hedwig is dead

1:29 - Deathly Hallows Part 2
2:05 - "Hermione, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose."
3:16 - Did this much shit go down at Hogwarts every year before Harry Potter went there? I mean, every fucking year, its something. Giant snakes kidnapping people, teachers trying to steal stuff to bring back dark wizards, trolls getting into the school....this is madness. Get it together, people. This is a school, for Christ's sake.

<3:28 - Marathon ends>

That's a solid 20 hours of Harry Potter. Maybe it's time I sit down and have a long serious talk with myself about what direction my life is going. For the moment, though, on to my second marathon of the weekend - BBC's Pride and Prejudice.

Who the Hell is Thelonius Monk?

So last week was pretty much a disaster, health and wellness-wise. It all started with my attempt to clean out the refrigerator by way of consuming all leftovers in the least healthy way possible. The result was this gem, a whole chicken breast, stovetop stuffing, and sourdough bread covered in turkey gravy:

There it is in all its half-eaten glory. I think my husband was mildly disgusted with me when I finished the whole thing and moved on to the chunk of brie in the cheese drawer.

That weekend was my friend's 30th birthday, so Friday night resulted in a rousing game of drinking Trivial Pursuit and an X Files marathon. I lost miserably in Trivial Pursuit for the second time in two weeks, which really pisses me off to no end. Trivia is my jam. Maybe I was unlucky with the questions. Maybe I'm not as badass a trivia nerd as I thought. Maybe I was just drunk. The world may never know. Anyway, here are the rules, designed to punish people who are good at the game so the dumbasses who suck have a shot at winning:

1 - Drink once when you answer a question correctly
2 - Drink twice if you hit 'roll again' two times in a row
3 - Drink 5 if you get a pie piece

Pretty simple. I wanted to make people finish their beer for each pie, but I was overruled. Probably good in the end, as I ended up with a massive hangover the next day, from which I was forced to emerge to rescue an injured 'hawk' which turned out to be a pigeon. Apparently people can't tell the difference. I rewarded myself with a s'mores blizzard from DQ.

Lessons from this week:

1. Gravy is one of mankind's greatest inventions
2. You can see Michigan from the Sears Tower. I guessed Nebraska. 7 years living in the midwest and I still apparently have no idea where things are
3. Agent Krycek is kind of a babe