It's Clobberin Time

Highlights of this week included a Clarissa Explains It All, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, and Hey Dude marathon with Jennifer. Both of us fell asleep by about 12:30, which just confirms the fact that we are 100 years old. Lauren had her baby, which while it was still inside her was totally fine but now that it's out it's completely weird that we have another tiny human among us. She gets to drink again, though.


....at work on Friday...

 me:  So...someone has a dog on our floor. And there is also a baby. And the whole floor smells like patchouli. I need a new job.
Adam:  hahahahhaahhaha ummmm what?! Why is there a dog and a baby? Also, how potent is patchouli?
 me:  Dude the whole floor reeks of soil. I don't know if its patchouli, or actual dirt, or the dog. And now the baby is crying.
Adam:  Haha go help
me:  Nah, the mother doing laps around the floor with the baby in a stroller
Adam:  Just go threaten the baby
me:  It's clobberin time
Adam:  Why are you talking like The Thing?
me:  Hahaha because its hilarious.

me:  I don't understand why he only has 3 fingers. Did the middle two just merge into one? Or did like...the middle two merge into one and also split in half and each merge half to the other two on the outside? Because they look like they're all the same size.
Adam:  Ummm that is a random thing to focus on when the guy is completely made of stone.
 me:  HA. It just makes no sense. Why does him getting turned to stone involve him losing fingers?


 Adam:

Adam: ...actually that doesn't explain anything.
 me:  HAHAHA no, but it's hilarious. What did you intend it to explain?
 Adam:  He had 4 fingers total.
 me:  But he's still missing one. My question is: Did the two center ones each divide in half and then re-merge so that the outside ones are actually one and a half fingers?
 Adam:  Maybe he didn't have any pinkies.
 me:  But why would he just lose fingers?
 Adam:  Hahahaha...maybe they felt his hands would be too absurdly big if he had 5 fingers.
 me:  He doesn't have to have huge fingers.
 Adam:  Or they did it to strictly fuck with you.
 me:  Why cant they just be proportional? He also only has 4 toes on each foot, apparently.
 Adam:  Hey, at least they are consistent.
 me:  Hahahahaha yesss. Do you think The Thing's dick is huge?
 Adam:  What the hell is wrong with you?!!!
 me:  HA. Was that not a reasonable question? If his fingers are so big they can only fit 4 on each hand, it stands to reason...
 Adam:  I thought you would be more curious about Mr. Fantastic's dick.
me:  Yesss he can 'expand any part of his body'.
Adam:  But you never see it pressed against his spandex.
 me:  Sad.

Lessons for the week:

-If superheroes have to wear spandex, and a particular superhero can 'expand any part of his body', you should totally get to see it. You see boobs galore, why not the outline of Mr. Fantastic's dong?
-While Clarissa Explains It All is still totally watchable as an adult, Are You Afraid of the Dark? is like a bad fever dream.
-Apparently 'paternity leave' is a thing. Lazy bastards.