Bears on Unicycles

This weekend I decided to make another attempt at cabbage rolls (golabki). The last time I made them, they turned out meh, so I went with a different recipe: http://theshiksa.com/2011/10/22/stuffed-cabbage-leaves/. They turned out fucking awesome, so I have no comments to make other than that's my go-to recipe for cabbage rolls from now on. I include photos because they're a pain in the ass to make and I'm proud of the outcome. Look at that shit. Babcia would be proud.

I also made pierogies (sauerkraut and potato/cheese), which aside from also being a pain in the ass are pretty straightforward. I never used to like the sauerkraut ones, but now they're actually my favorite. I brought my Polish co-worker some leftovers. When I asked him how everything was, he said "Tastes like the motherland." Good enough for me.

Other highlights of this week include contracting a miserable head cold, meeting up with an old friend from college, who is still awesome, organizing my closets, and this conversation with Adam regarding my irritation with relationships as depicted by the entertainment industry:

Me:  I hate how in shows people just jump right into sex. Like in Game of Thrones. Robb and this girl...I'm sure she's a virgin. And he might be also. Like, geez make out a little or something. You don't have to go right to tearing each others clothes off. People don't do that. Unless you're hammered at a bar or something.

Adam:  Haha no time for that bullshit, Barb. He could die any day, just stabbed on the field of battle

Me:  Yeah and I could get hit by a bus tomorrow

Adam:  Ok, that would be an accident

Me:  So? Anyone could die at any time 

Adam:  You aren't going into battle against buses. He's going into battle. He's the king. Fuckers want to kill him.

Me:  Whatever he's got like a zillion guards. He's surrounded by his entire army. I ain't got shit protecting me from rogue buses.

Adam:  He could get hit with an arrow

Me:  I could get hit by a falling icicle

Adam:  Or one of his men could betray him, which is what happens

Me:  Jenn could snap and kill me for insulting her taste in men

Adam:  But war has a much better chance of you dying. Fuck, if I were going to battle like that, I would be trying to bang all the time

Me:  Fine whatever. MAYBE the Game of Thrones situation is potentially understandable, from ROBB'S side of things. She's a nurse. Why is she just banging him right away? And its like every show does that.

Adam:  Cause fuck, might as well enjoy it as long as I can. I might get decapitated by the hound.

Me:  Ok, shut up about Game of Thrones. We're moving on.

Adam:  Hahahaha. Don't you get all uppity with me.

I was unable to come up with a non-Game of Thrones related example, but they're out there. 

Lessons for the week:

- I need to shred paperwork more often. It takes up far too much valuable Lego and board game storage space in my closets
- All of Poland apparently smells like cabbage
- People on TV need to learn the merits of foreplay

Werewolves and Ravioli

This one falls under the category of 'experimental cooking'. I generally have pretty good luck in the kitchen, with the exception of stir fry, which, try as I might, I am apparently incapable of figuring how to make without fucking it up on an epic scale. This week's attempt was so salty it was completely inedible. Why Larry insists on forcing me to try to make it is beyond me, but at least this time I caught it before I put the noodles in and ruined the whole thing, so I just had to dump out the sauce and use some bottled stuff. I think he may finally be willing to give in and handle the stir-fry from here on out.

The following day's meal, however, was a resounding success (in my opinion, anyway). Larry won't eat cream sauce, and he was out at a bird-related lecture last night, so I took advantage of his absence to make something he doesn't like for myself. The fates also conspired to present a Twilight marathon on FXX, so my evening consisted of eating ravioli with cream sauce in my underwear, watching teen drama, and doing a puzzle, because I am either a giant tool or absolutely fucking awesome. You decide.

Anyway, here's the general procedure:

-8 oz package of mushroom ravioli
-Most of a large shallot bulb
-Asparagus
-A crapload of butter
-About 1/2c chicken stock
-About 1/2c of random white wine that my mother left in my fridge like a year ago, and is still in there because I never drink it
-About 1/4 c of cream
-Mystery hard cheese that was in an unlabeled Tupperware container (Asiago? Parmesan? Your guess is as good as mine.)

Boil the mushroom ravioli. Try not to break them all open while stirring or dumping them out into the colander. Depending on how much of a klutz/how inebriated you are, this can be difficult. Chop shallots fine, chop asparagus into about 1" pieces. Melt butter in saucepan, add shallots and asparagus (you should probably cook the asparagus seperately, but I am way too lazy to wash that many dishes). Add some salt. Cook until shallots are soft. Add chicken stock and wine (about the same amounts of each), cook until it reduces a little. Add cream, cook until it thickens a bit (about 10 minutes). Dump over ravioli, cover with mystery cheese. BOOM. This was enough sauce for the 8oz package of ravioli, which, yes, I ate all of.

In a tangentially related food note, I came to the realization that I apparently have very strong convictions about what constitutes a sub:

Adam: i mean i like hot subs. like a steak and cheese. mmmm. haven't had one of those in a long time

Me: yeah i do too but i also like cold subs

Adam: i always like the bread crunchy and the cheese melty. do love me some chicken parms.

Me: You fucking pussy

Adam: what?! where did that come from?!!!!

....12 hours later....

 Adam:  is Facebook working for you?

 me:  seems to be ok

 Adam:  hmm. won't load for me

 me:  its because you don't like cold subs

 Adam:  yes that is the reason

 Adam:  cold subs are sandwiches for me. and subs are usually hot

 me: i guess. sandwiches for me have like round rolls or slices of bread. subs are sub rolls and cold. hoagies are hot subs. i have many sandwich qualifiers apparently

 Adam:  haha apparently

Lessons of the week:

- Stir-fry is evil and must be stopped. Or at least handled by someone who is not me.
- Adam is a huge fucking pussy
- Subs in Chicago suck almost as much as pizza in Chicago sucks.

Admiral, there be whales here

Because I seem to have an inordinate amount of free time lately, I figured I would start a blog. I really have no idea what I'm doing, so for the time being, this will be a combination of experimental cooking, drinking games, inane rambling, and I'm sure the occasional rant. This time it's mostly a drinking game.

My husband is a chef and works weekends, so I spend a lot of time with my friends during the day, particularly Adam. I was bored this previous Saturday, and inquired as to whether he'd be interested in some day drinking, by way of my old copy of Monopoly. Always game (get it? game? ha.) for some early afternoon boozing, he agreed. The rules we came up with were as follows:

-Drink every time you have to pay another player (rent, 'utilities fees', whatever)
-Drink 5 if you are sent to jail
-Drink if you land on Free Parking
-Drink if you land on Chance or Community Chest
-If you land directly on Go, do a shot

This made the game surprisingly entertaining and, I have to say, we got pretty hammered pretty quickly. It also led to odd conversations such as why I had to pay $750 to stay in what I can only assume was a crack den on Baltic Avenue, and whether we kept getting sent back to jail for aggravated assault or tax evasion.

Sunday was a disappointing Super Bowl, the highlights of which were watching Paul McCartney cram a giant plate of food into his face, sad Peyton, and Liz's KICK ASS chicken wing dip. Yesterday I hit up Spiaggia for Restaurant Week with Alyssa. Today included a marathon of the first 4 Star Trek movies. My life is fascinating.

So...lessons for the week:


-Drinking Monopoly is fantastic and will be repeated
-The Seahawks could have played Pete Carroll at QB and still won
-Shatner has a strange amount of upper arm hair