Werewolves and Ravioli

This one falls under the category of 'experimental cooking'. I generally have pretty good luck in the kitchen, with the exception of stir fry, which, try as I might, I am apparently incapable of figuring how to make without fucking it up on an epic scale. This week's attempt was so salty it was completely inedible. Why Larry insists on forcing me to try to make it is beyond me, but at least this time I caught it before I put the noodles in and ruined the whole thing, so I just had to dump out the sauce and use some bottled stuff. I think he may finally be willing to give in and handle the stir-fry from here on out.

The following day's meal, however, was a resounding success (in my opinion, anyway). Larry won't eat cream sauce, and he was out at a bird-related lecture last night, so I took advantage of his absence to make something he doesn't like for myself. The fates also conspired to present a Twilight marathon on FXX, so my evening consisted of eating ravioli with cream sauce in my underwear, watching teen drama, and doing a puzzle, because I am either a giant tool or absolutely fucking awesome. You decide.

Anyway, here's the general procedure:

-8 oz package of mushroom ravioli
-Most of a large shallot bulb
-Asparagus
-A crapload of butter
-About 1/2c chicken stock
-About 1/2c of random white wine that my mother left in my fridge like a year ago, and is still in there because I never drink it
-About 1/4 c of cream
-Mystery hard cheese that was in an unlabeled Tupperware container (Asiago? Parmesan? Your guess is as good as mine.)

Boil the mushroom ravioli. Try not to break them all open while stirring or dumping them out into the colander. Depending on how much of a klutz/how inebriated you are, this can be difficult. Chop shallots fine, chop asparagus into about 1" pieces. Melt butter in saucepan, add shallots and asparagus (you should probably cook the asparagus seperately, but I am way too lazy to wash that many dishes). Add some salt. Cook until shallots are soft. Add chicken stock and wine (about the same amounts of each), cook until it reduces a little. Add cream, cook until it thickens a bit (about 10 minutes). Dump over ravioli, cover with mystery cheese. BOOM. This was enough sauce for the 8oz package of ravioli, which, yes, I ate all of.

In a tangentially related food note, I came to the realization that I apparently have very strong convictions about what constitutes a sub:

Adam: i mean i like hot subs. like a steak and cheese. mmmm. haven't had one of those in a long time

Me: yeah i do too but i also like cold subs

Adam: i always like the bread crunchy and the cheese melty. do love me some chicken parms.

Me: You fucking pussy

Adam: what?! where did that come from?!!!!

....12 hours later....

 Adam:  is Facebook working for you?

 me:  seems to be ok

 Adam:  hmm. won't load for me

 me:  its because you don't like cold subs

 Adam:  yes that is the reason

 Adam:  cold subs are sandwiches for me. and subs are usually hot

 me: i guess. sandwiches for me have like round rolls or slices of bread. subs are sub rolls and cold. hoagies are hot subs. i have many sandwich qualifiers apparently

 Adam:  haha apparently

Lessons of the week:

- Stir-fry is evil and must be stopped. Or at least handled by someone who is not me.
- Adam is a huge fucking pussy
- Subs in Chicago suck almost as much as pizza in Chicago sucks.