Hoi Pollo

Well, fatty joined a weight loss group at work. Fatty has been working out at least four times a week and has stopped drinking during the week for Lent. Fatty has, however, somehow managed to actually gain weight, so fatty is going to attempt to eat better.

Since it’s actually kind of hard to ‘diet’ without strict guidelines and a whole bunch of time to look up recipes, I’ve decided to do a modified version of that Buzzfeed clean eating diet again (http://www.buzzfeed.com/christinebyrne/clean-eating-challenge#.jxNKb6l6y). You actually end up eating kind of a lot of calories (I’m only through lunch and I’m at 900 on day 2, those overnight oats are a bit much), so you’re not hungry at least. This diet is, admittedly, kind of a pain in the ass, so this time around I’m modifying it. Also, what’s the deal with them only letting you eat feta? I know you’re not supposed to eat shredded cheese because it has additives, but I see nothing wrong with a little cheddar off the block here and there. Whatevs.

Anyway, I’m recording this adventure in diary format so that if it actually helps me lose weight I can go back and see what I did correctly. I’ll also include recipes for stuff I make that’s not on Buzzfeeds list because….fuck kale. Kale is terrible.

Day 1 (Sunday)

Breakfast: I did the breakfast smoothie but with banana and mango instead of spinach. The spinach one is good, but I was wayyyy too hung over from my friend’s 1 year old’s birthday party (yes, I got drunk at an infant’s birthday. Shut up.) to go to the store and buy spinach.

Didn’t do either of the snacks for the same reason. I actually hauled my ass to Jewel around 3 and got a pear, but I didn’t end up eating it.

Lunch: 2 egg omelet with cheddar and (homemade) salsa

Dinner: Made homemade chicken broth for this Greek lemon soup I love. It takes a long time but once it’s all in the pot its mostly just wait time. Broth is pretty straightforward:

2 large bone-in chicken breasts (you can use a whole chicken but who the hell has time for that?)
48 oz swanson low sodium fat free chicken broth
1c chopped onion
1c chopped carrot
1c chopped celery
2 large garlic cloves, minced
Fresh thyme (I used about 3 sprigs)
1tsp tarragon
2 bay leaves
Salt and pepper to taste

Season your chicken breasts with salt and pepper. Throw some oil in a pot and brown your chicken boobs on both sides (don’t puss out, they need to get a nice dark brown. You may set off the smoke alarm. I always do. Don’t get overzealous and burn the damn things either, though). I left the skin on mine for this and pulled it off later, but you can remove it first if you want. You definitely don’t want to boil them with the skin on, the soup will come out super fatty. I just think it adds some flavor to brown the skin.

Once they’re browned (they don’t have to cook all the way, you’re going to boil the crap out of them anyway, remember?) take them out and put them on a plate. Turn the heat down to medium low, add more oil if you need to, and cook your vegetables for a few minutes (until the onions are translucent). Scrape all the good chicken leavings off the bottom, and don’t forget to season the vegetables. Remove the skin from the chicken (if you haven’t already) which should be cool enough for you to handle by now, and put them back into the pot with the veggies. Dump in the chicken broth and then enough water to cover the chicken breasts completely. Add your spices and some more salt and pepper. Simmer covered for around 3 hours at the lowest heat possible that still causes the broth to bubble. If you boil it too hard, the broth gets cloudy.

Once your soup is done, take out the chicken breasts and put them on a cutting board. Strain all the vegetables out of the soup. You can put them back in later if you want. I divided my soup in half and made half Greek lemon chicken soup and half regular chicken. I put my veggies back into the regular chicken, but if you do that, remember to fish out your thyme sprigs and bay leaves. Remove the meat from the chicken bones and cut it into cubes to put back into one or both soups (if you want, you can also leave it out and put it in salads or enchiladas or whatever). With the other half of the broth (again which should be strained, no veggies in this portion, you can make the Greek lemon soup:

Greek lemon soup (Avgolemono):

1 quart chicken broth from recipe above
¼ cup chopped parsley
2 eggs
2 medium lemons
Cooked quinoa (or rice)

In a large bowl, whisk together your eggs, parsley, the zest of one and the juice of both lemons. If your broth has cooled off, heat it back up until it is just simmering. Slowly pour the hot broth into the egg mixture while whisking. It should be a nice lemony color when it’s done. I threw some of the diced chicken in here as well as some quinoa. If you’re not doing clean eating, throw some rice in there instead (jasmine rice would add a nice flavor).

Boom. I love this stuff. It’s like crack. And now you have 2 kinds of soup for lunches and/or dinner for a good while so you don’t spend your life dicing vegetables for the 8 million salads Buzzfeed wants you to make. You could freeze some of it and eat it the second week as well, though I’d recommend that more with the regular chicken and not the lemon version, I’m not sure how well the eggs would translate once frozen. Might be ok.

Lessons for the day:

1. I refer to a diet as being kind of a pain in the ass and then I spend 4 hours making 2 different kinds of soup in one day. I might be a hypocrite.

2. Going shopping for baby toys at Target is incredibly entertaining. I bought a large stuffed dinosaur that I was sorely tempted to keep. I might actually need to buy one for myself…


3. I might have watched 4 episodes of Bar Rescue. That was probably a bad idea. It may have killed more brain cells than the beer.